Social media has become an essential way that we communicate with each other these days. Over 80% of teenagers use a cell phone regularly, with ever growing access to "social" networking sites like Facebook, Instagram and Twitter. Texting others is commonplace, and some teens log multiple hours a day on their phones.
The concept of bullying is one that many schools have attempted to meet head on, but social media access has spawned a wave of online taunting and harassment now referred to as "Cyber bullying". Cyber bullying specifically refers to one individual (or sometimes, multiple people) tormenting, harassing or humiliating someone else through digital technology. Cyber bullying is usually not anonymous, as 75% of victims know the person behind the attack. Nearly 43% of kids have been bullied online. 25% have had it happen more than once. Bullying victims are 2 to 9 times more likely to consider committing suicide. If you read news regularly on the internet, you know how pervasive the problem is. If you have children and teenagers, you know how scary these statistics are.
Cyber bullying takes many forms - a bully may pretend to be someone else in order to obtain personal information from the victim, may pretend to be their victim in online communication with others or may post unflattering photos/videos or verbal insults about the victim. Unlike face to face bullying that occurs in the school setting, online attacks persist -- comments remain once posted on the internet, and essentially may be viewed by the entire world. Girls are twice as likely to be victims of online bullying, AND also nearly twice as likely to engage in bullying behavior themselves.
Unfortunately, teenagers who are harassed via social media often do not report these events to a parent. A study I read recently stated that only 10% of teens report cyber bullying to their parents or a trusted adult.
If our teenagers don't tell us about this, how do we know what is going on? Parents should be suspicious if their child suddenly changes their social media habits, appears upset or withdrawn after being online or avoids or becomes upset at social situations they previously enjoyed. In your presence, your teen may abruptly become upset after seeing a cell phone text, or may state that they are blocking certain callers or numbers. Unfortunately, in my practice I have seen many teens who "can't help themselves" and continue to read or obsess about things that are posted about them online. I have had many parents take phones and computer access away from their children in an attempt to deal with cyber bullying.
If your teen hasn't been bullied before, they likely know someone who has -- bringing up the topic may allow you to start talking about the potential issues before they happen. Consider it as essential as discussing safe sex, drugs and alcohol with your teen.
Parents should actively monitor their children's online media use through practices like checking out their homepage or viewing password-protected areas, particularly with younger children. Teens often want privacy in their online forums, so there may have to be a discussion about what you as a parent will be doing, or will want to see. Make sure your children do not give out their passwords to others.
For children who experience cyber bullying, mental health experts recommend the following:
1. Avoid responding or retaliating directly with the bully, as this may reinforce the behavior
2. Block the bully's message or delete them without reading them
3. Work with parents to notify the media sites involved, as the service providers can internally address any bullying issues
4. Consider working with you local school system to extend their bully education campaigns to address cyber bullying as well
5. Change passwords if necessary, and do not share passwords or keep passwords in a place easily accessed by others
6. Consider keeping a log of the bullying events - this may be useful if law enforcement gets involved
Some useful online resources:
www.stopbullying.gov
www.stopcyberbullying.org
www.ncpc.org
Addendum 9/11/14:
I just saw a blurb in USA Weekend magazine quoting Janell Burley Hofmann, who wrote a book entitled "IRules: What Every Tech-Healthy Family Needs to Know about Selfies, Sexting, Gaming and Growing Up". I liked her idea about setting up rules "IRules" before giving your child a cell phone. Among them,
1. It is my phone. I bought it. I pay for it. I an loaning it to you. Aren't I the greatest?
2. I will always know the password.
3. Hand the phone to one of your parents at 7:30 pm every school night and every weekend night at 9:00 pm. It will be shut off for the night and turned on again at 7:30 am.
Couldn't agree more :)
